Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Maybe not today

It's 1 a.m. and I'm still up. Part because I have a midterm this weekend and I've been trying to study and the other part, because I get distracted way too easily and have been doing everything but study.

Tomorrow will be mine...

Tuesday, September 16, 2014


I've begun drifting. Both in my literal life and, well, just life. I decided to abandon WordPress, which I didn't think through when my hosting expired, I kind of lost everything. Not that there were too many posts to save, but nevertheless. Then I created a Wix account because, hey, the commercial was cool, it's free, and they have cool templates. 

But - blogging is more fun when a site is actually made for just bloggers. So I'm back. But enough rambling about that, why bother when there are so many more things happening in my life worth rambling about?

I'm approaching my nomad deadline, as I like to refer to it. It's the period that I stay at one place and then leave - magically the number thus far has been 4 years. Back in January 2011 (how easy it is to recollect when you have a dated blog!), I moved to the east coast from California. Well, to Boston to be specific. And I have technically moved since then up to New Hampshire, so I don't know if my nomad deadline will count this time. But the itching is there. That desire to move, to seek new change.

Only problem is I don't really know where and I don't really know how. I mean I found a job here that I like. I have a boyfriend, whom I've been with for over 2 years that I constantly go through ups and downs with. And I'm about to start taking classes (remote) to get my second degree in computer science. With all of that - would I even be ready for a change if it fell on my head?

Mmm. Probably not.

Did I mention I got 2 puppies? Oh yeah. There are those to consider. But I am going off of a tangent. 

I think with everything considered and this extremely dissatisfying and unruly feeling of something not being "right", something missing from the equation is making me rethink of my life's circumstances. Perhaps I need a new scene. Or someone that will dance with me to classical music under the moon.

One thing is for certain - either I or my environment is due for a change. Soon.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Sink into Bay

So many hours, so far away.
I worry and worry and worry each day.
What if all that we have turns to decay?
Can I gather and turn it into a bouquet?
Will you still cherish it in every which way?
Or will petals turn to ash and all fly away?

Come home to me, come with me to the bay.
Meet me on the sunnier side - in Monterey.
I'll be in white, twirling in the warm ray,
You'll smile because it'll remind you of that ballet,
When I ran, fell, cried - you held me - all was okay.
Come, come to me. Come find me. Some day, fiancee.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

The Great Gatsby

I saw The Great Gatsby today. I completely forgot how much I loved the story. And the director, Baz Luhrrman, did a phenomenal job at capturing the storyline in the script, cinematography, costumes, and music.

While many are familiar with Gatsby, whether because of the forced reading of the book in high school or due to personal fascination with the glits and glam of the rich (it's not a difficult book to swallow for one), the bottom line I got out of this movie was quite different than what I remember reading.

As Nick, the narrator, sums up Gatsby's character in the end of the movie, was that Gatsby's greatest strength was his undying hope for what he believed in (Daisy). The depth of his hope far surpassed those of the majority. The pessimists, cynics, realists, even optimists possess hope that knows its limits. Gatsby did not.

Maybe it's because I'm a hopeless romantic and I believe in that kind of hope - but I left the theater with a mixed feeling of my faith in the idea of such hope renewed - and yet subdued. I felt reassured that someone else out there understands such depth of hope. And I felt defeated because those people are so hard to come across and I'm not sure I can name any off the top of my head.

I wonder if you can relate? 

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

To Be Good

I've recently picked up a book on happiness called "The Happiness Project," by Gretchen Rubin. I'm quite infatuated with what she has to write about. A very simple and easy read, Rubin breaks down the components of her life that make her happy into twelve months.

For each month, she tackles 1 aspect of her life (i.e. Marriage) and gives tips on how she was able to make it better - happier. For February (Marriage), she breaks it down as follows:

1. Quit Nagging
2. Don't expect praise or appreciation
3. Fight Right
4. No Dumping
5. Give Proofs of Love

I'm on #4 and particularly loved this bit:

"Happy people are generally more forgiving, helpful and charitable  have better self-control, and are more tolerant of frustration than unhappy people, while unhappy people are more often withdrawn, defensive, antagonistic, and self-absorbed. Oscar Wilde observed, 'One is not always happy when one is good;  but one is always good when one is happy.' "

Monday, April 1, 2013

Firefly in a Jar

We bid goodbyes.

And I hoped.

The grass is greenest here.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013


Remember the days,
When we were young?
Got lost in a maze
In foreign tongue?

Now and again
I think of us then.
A Japanese crane
Guides us at ten.

Jumped across rivers
On slippery rocks,
Warmed the shivers
And our wet socks

By smokey fires
Amidst the tall pines,
We shared our desires
With gods of shrines.

You'd pull my hand,
We'd fly through forests,
We'd rule the land,
No longer tourists.

The little Russians,
We were a team.
With no reprecussions,
We chased the same dream.

Now you are back there,
And I am now here.
I long for that pair,
That's seemed to disappear.

Sometimes I visit
A place in my heart,
Where memories elicit
Our friendship's start.

As long as I live,
I'll never forget you.
And please forgive
For when I withdrew.

You've probably changed
And so have I.
I wish we've exchanged
A proper goodbye.